NOTES FOR INTERACTIVE

“PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN” VIEWING

 

 

            In late 2003, after seeing “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl” with more regularity than Gore Verbinski reviewing the dailies, a friend and I wondered how much fun it would be to give our beloved movie the ol’ “Rocky Horror Picture Show” live audience treatment.

            While we did come up with this idea on our own, we were not the only ones to do so, nor the first. That honor seems to go to a group calling itself “The POTC Interactive Project,” based at http://www.potcinteractive.com/home.html. If you have Internet access during ARCHON, I highly suggest you check it out, as there is some great content there.

            The following suggestions are mostly the product of three of us watching the movie over the past few months and making notes of what struck us as funny or (in)appropriate during our viewings. We must also credit a few to the aforementioned POTC Interactive Project and to various influences from Live Journal’s “pirategasm” community.

            Please take these suggestions in the spirit of suggested “shout-outs” during the movie, rather than a fixed script (nobody’s going to like it all) – some people prefer a great deal of direction, while others prefer to make up their own thing. If you have a line you’d rather yell, do so the old-fashioned way – call it out during the movie and see what reception it gets!

            We do not know if this will happen in future years; a lot rides on how well the viewing goes this year. So, in advance, thank you for attending, remember that the lines of this viewing may NOT be appropriate for young children (that’s partly why we want you to read this first), and have a great time!

 

Ann Hinch

“Brandybuck O’Near”

“N. Ranken”

“Jhalaquen”

 

(And – special thanks to the cast and crew of POTC for filming it, of course!!!)

 

 

1.  SUGGESTED PROPS

 

A.                 Something to drink (unfortunately, this will have to come from the concession in the Convention Center or its vending machines), for script suggestions and … well, hey, because it’s a movie!

B.                 Something to eat (see Suggestion A), preferably the noisier, the better (You’re a pirate, after all, not a bloody debutante!)

C.                 A penlight for reading in the dark (easily purchased at local convenience or discount stores)

D.                 Something resembling one of those placards a judge would hold up at the Olympics – posterboard, a folded piece of paper, cardboard, etc.

 

 

2.  GENERAL SUGGESTIONS THROUGHOUT MOVIE:

 

(Audience parts underlined for ease of finding in low light!)

 

Whenever anyone says Will’s name, call out, “Virgin!”

 

Whenever anyone says Elizabeth’s name, call out accusingly, “Thief!”

 

Whenever anyone says “Jack,” call out, “Aye?” drunkenly (like Jack does in the jail cell when Will says, “You, Sparrow!”); whenever anyone says “Jack Sparrow” or “Captain Jack Sparrow,” stand up and salute (like Jack does the hanged pirates at the beginning)

 

Anytime Jack goes to correct someone using his name by saying, Captain Jack Sparrow,” say it along with him, in exasperation. If someone says “Mister Sparrow” like Norrington does, and Jack doesn’t correct him, you can correct them for Jack by yelling “That’s CAPTAIN!”

 

Whenever anyone says Commodore Norrington’s name, wolf-whistle (even the men!)

 

Whenever you see oars, even from the Black Pearl, sing, “Row, row, row your boat” and pretend you’re rowing

 

Whenever a character yells or makes noises, join in. Whenever anyone drinks, join in by drinking with them

 

 

3.  SPECIFIC SCENE/DIALOGUE SUGGESTIONS

 

OPENING SCENE

 

When you see young Elizabeth at the bow of the ship, say,  “I’m Queen of the world!”

 

At Norrington’s line, “Consider them marked”:  “What about pencil-whipped?”

 

After Norrington says of all pirates “ . . . what they deserve”:  “Spare the rod, spoil the pirate!”

 

When Gibbs gasps “Mary, mother of God!”:  “ICEBERG, DEAD AHEAD!”       

 

After Gibbs says, “Everyone’s thinkin’ it, I’m just sayin’ it,” while he’s saying “Pirates!” yell, “WHERE’S JACK?” instead.

 

When Elizabeth says “I’m watching over you, Will,” the women (and any men who wish to join in) add, “So are we! Get older already!”

 

During the close-up of the medallion:  "My preciousssssss" in your Gollum voice

 

IN ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM

 

When the Governor asks, “Still abed at this hour?”:  "No, she's standing up!"

 

DOWNSTAIRS IN THE MANSION

 

Running commentary while Will waits for the Governor in the parlor:  "Don't touch anything!” (He then breaks off the candelabra) “Oh, you idiot. Told you! Quick, hide it! No, not there. Yes! Whew, close call!"

 

As Will is flipping the sword to present to Gov. Swann:  “Damn! There goes another finger!”

 

After the Governor tells Will to pass his appreciation to his master for the sword and Will says “I shall”:  Add “You clueless nimrod!”

 

When Elizabeth speaks to Will, anytime the camera pans to his face:  (pretending you’re a guy) “Errrr, uhhh, duhhhhhhh, uhhh” as if blinded by her very female-ness

 

ENTER CAPTAIN JACK

 

Jack’s entrance on the mast – stand and salute and/or whistle, cheer. Stay standing and doff your hat (real or imaginary) when he does

 

When Jack stops bailing and stands to look up at the hanging pirates:  “Any excuse to get out of work!”

 

When the camera pans to the goat being passed along the dock workers, do your best billy-goat noise

 

When Jack sashays down the dock:  “Shake, shake, shake/Shake your booty!” in the best tradition of 70s disco

 

When Jack says “And we forget the name?”:  Academy voters did!”

 

BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THE FORT/JACK ON THE INTERCEPTOR

 

When Norrington enters the ceremony at the fort for the first time:  (in exaggerated British accent) “The quality has arrived!”

 

When Jack asks Murtogg and Mullroy why they aren’t at the big to-do at the fort:  “Hey  … don't ask, don't tell."

 

While Murtogg and Mullroy are doing their back-and-forth bit while Jack looks on, randomly call out things like “Who’s on second?” “No, who’s on first! What’s on second!” or your favorite Monty Python sketch lines

 

When Murtogg and Mullroy notice Jack on the ship at the wheel and yell “HEY!” and Jack looks shocked at being caught:  “Uh … Dave’s not here!”

 

When the fort scene opens again, stand up and waltz by yourself in place to the music

 

As Elizabeth looks miserable in her corset, make random choking and gagging, gasping sounds

 

When Norrington says to Elizabeth “… that which I have not yet achieved”:  “Sex with a woman!”

 

When Norrington looks down at the rocks where she’s fallen and he begins to yell her name:  “Sofa cushions! NOW I need sofa cushions!”  (obscure “Coupling” reference)

 

After Elizabeth falls in and one redcoat tells Jack, “I can’t swim”:  “I only dog paddle” in your best Andre-the-Giant voice

 

When Jake strips off his coat and effects to dive, wolf-whistle and yell, “Take it ALL off!”

 

At Jack’s dive:  Hold up a small placard as if at the Olympics and shout out whatever grade you feel is appropriate (8.9, 10.0, 7.8, etc.)

 

When Jack asks Elizabeth, “Where did you get that?”:  “From a CrackerJack Box!”

 

When Jack says to Elizabeth suggestively, “Now, if you’ll be very kind …” and it shows her offended expression:  “I’d rather kiss a Wookie!”

 

When Jack says, “Easy on the goods, love”:  “He’s saving himself for Will!” (or “Norrington!”, whomever you slashers prefer)

 

When Jack swings around on the yardarm in his escape:  Do a Tarzan yell or, if you can’t do that, yell “Fruit fly!”

 

When Norrington says “Gillette”:  “The best a man can get!”

 

BLACKSMITH SHOP

 

When Jack shouts, “WHOA!“ at Mr. Brown in the smithy:  Shriek like a little girl

 

When the donkey leaps from being burned:  “Awwww, Jack!” in rebuke

 

While Will calms the donkey in the smithy:  “Nice ass!”

 

When Will touches Jack’s hat and Jack’s sword smacks down on his hand:  “MY hat! No touch!”

 

When Will says, “You’re the one they’re hunting. The pirate”:  “No shit, Sherlock!”

 

When Jack is wide-eyed staring at the sword in the door:  “It’s a sword, not an arrow!”

 

As Jack tries to pull the sword out, encourage him:  “Come on, Jack! Pull! It’s not in THAT far!”

 

When Jack asks of the swords, "Who makes all these?”:  “The Keebler Elves!”

 

When Jack covers Will in dirt (it’s really prop cocoa powder):  “We’re coo-coo for Coco Will!”

 

When Jack asks “Please move?” keep wheedling for a few seconds “Aw, please? Pretty please with sugar on top?”

 

When Jack gets hit and is about to fall to the ground: “TIM-BER!”

 

When Mr. Brown says “Just doing my civic duty, sir,” add a loud, pointed HIC! or hiccup of your own

 

NIGHTTIME:  JAIL/PORT ROYAL STREETS/GOVERNOR’S MANSION

 

When the maid puts the pan of coals in the bed, hop up and leap a bit, yelling “Hotfoot! YOW!”

 

After the maid comments “He’s a fine man, too” and Elizabeth says “That is too bold,” make loud meowing and cat hissing noises

 

When Will opens the window for some air late that night to peer out, after working on the metal: “What do your elf-eyes see?”

 

When Jack leaps up in the jail and hops onto the bench to look outside at the Pearl sailing into harbor: “POP TART!”

 

At the line "I've heard stories" by the fellow in jail, say “What kinds of stories?” before he goes on about the crew raiding ports for ten years

 

When Jack says “If there are no survivors …” speak over the rest of what he says with:  “Then where do those crappy reality shows come from, I wonder?”

 

When Norrington tells the Governor to barricade himself in his office and says “That’s an order!”:  “And don't forget the handcuffs!”

 

When Elizabeth is running to escape the pirates in her home, and it shows her feet, point and yell “Bunny slippers!”

 

When Elizabeth dumps hot ash on Ragetti’s head:  “Home Alone, Scene 1, Take 1!”

 

When Pintel and Ragetti are calling for Elizabeth, circling the room, sing, “They’re dinky, they’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, BRAIN …”

 

When Will tells the pirate “Good-bye!” after he gets hit, say it with him

 

When Jack’s calling for the dog, help him out – call for the dog in your own way, whistle, etc.

 

Before Jack says “That’s very interesting” in the jail, say “What do you think about that, Jack?”

 

ABOARD BLACK PEARL

 

While Barbossa first speaks to Elizabeth to apologize for being struck by Bo’sun:  “I am Dieter. Would you like to touch my monkey?” in your best Mike Myers “Saturday Night Live” “Sprockets” German accent

 

When Barbossa asks Elizabeth “What is it that you want?” as she starts to speak, talk over her:  “Listerine for you!”

 

After Elizabeth says of the medallion, “I’ll drop it!” off the ship:  “Drop it, Mr. Frodo! Just throw it in!”

 

When Elizabeth claims she didn’t steal the medallion:  “LI-AR!”

 

MORNING:  PORT ROYAL/JAIL/ABOARD THE SHIPS

 

When Will wakes up to the chickens pecking around him:  “Hey! You! Off our corn!”

 

At Will’s line, “They’ve taken her!”:  “How many times?”

 

When Jack asks Will, “Have you not heard the stories?”:  “What kinds of stories?”

 

When Jack asks Will if he’s going to turn pirate, just before Will says “Never!” speak over Jack:  “Will, you ever kissed a girl?”

 

When Jack says “That would be short for William, I imagine?”:  “No – Ralph!”

 

After Will says “I helped build these cells”:  “They were my first 4-H project.”

 

When Jack asks Will how far he‘s willing to go to save Elizabeth:  “All the way!”

 

When Will goes along cutting all the ropes tying the Interceptor to the Dauntless, as the hatchet strikes each cord:  “Ouch!” or “Ow!”

 

When the sailor swings out for the Interceptor and falls into the water, hold up the Olympic placards again and yell a low score or “You’re no Michael Phelps!”

 

When Will tells Jack “I’m not a simpleton, Jack”:  “Since when?”

 

TORTUGA

 

Each time Jack gets slapped, clap your own hands together loudly, once, to imitate the sound, and count (“One!” “Two!)

 

When Gibbs is shown sleeping on the pigs:  “Baa, ram, EWE!” (yell this last word as he gets hit with the water)

 

When Jack leans in toward Will to say, “Keep a sharp eye”, before he says it, yell in your best Jack-to-the-dog voice: “Bit closer! Bit closer!”

 

When Jack clears his throat in an attempt to be subtle to Gibbs, help him out – clear your throat, cough, go “A-hem!” a lot with badly-feigned subtlety

 

ABOARD BLACK PEARL

 

If you have snacks or drinks, glutton down, noisily, while Elizabeth pigs out on her meal, or make rude noises imitating such

 

When Elizabeth says “I’m of no further value to you”:  “Sure you are! You can do the dishes!”

 

Ask, “What’s wrong with the apple?” before Elizabeth says, “It’s poisoned.”

 

When Elizabeth eyes the butter knife, before she reaches for it:  “The knife! Grab the knife! Good girl!”

 

Whenever Barbossa yells, “ARGH!”:  Shout it at the same time

 

When Barbossa pulls the knife out and says “I’m curious,” add over what he says next, “Have any more strawberry jam?”

 

When Elizabeth runs from the pirate at the wheel to hide under the steps, encourage her – “Hide, quick! Not the stairs! No! MONKEY ALERT!”

 

When the pirates all laugh with Barbossa, cackle along with them

 

TORTUGA DOCK

 

When Jack sticks his tongue out, stick yours out too

 

When Jack approaches Anamaria, making the face, before he takes her hat off, say, “Is it? Is it? Oh, shit!”

 

When Jack gets slapped, smack your hands together both times and count (“Three!” “Four!”)

 

When the sailors all pump their fists and yell “AYE!” pump yours in the air too and yell “CHIPS AHOY!”

 

NIGHTTIME STORM AT SEA

 

When you see the Interceptor in the nighttime storm:  Sing the “Gilligan’s Island” theme song snippet as, "… The weather started getting rough/The tiny ship was tossed/If not for the courage of the fearless crew/Sparrow would be lost"

 

ISLE DE MUERTE

 

When Will waves his arms about to imitate Jack, feel free to do the same thing

 

When Gibbs is telling the story about the sea turtles and says “… and all matter of sea creatures came climbing into his presence”:  “Flipper, too?”

 

When Elizabeth is being led off the Black Pearl and Ragetti is harassing her by chanting at her:  “Hairball! Cough it up!”

 

When Ragetti holds up the dress to himself:  (in a girly-girl voice) “Does it bring out my eye?”

 

When Ragetti complains about his eye splintering:  "Visine gets the red out!"

 

When Jack is listing how Will is becoming a pirate, after “… sailed with a buccaneer crew out of Tortuga” add “Downloaded illegal files off the Internet …”

 

When Barbossa says, “Here it is!” of Cortez’s treasure:  “The Ark of the Covenant? So that’s where it went!”

 

When Barbossa points to Elizabeth’s medallion and says “Save this one!”:  (in the style of the “Sesame Street” Count) “One! One piece of cursed gold! Ha ha ha ha ha!”

 

When Barbossa cuts Elizabeth’s hand:  “OUCH!”

 

When Barbossa says the line that ends, “ . . . let him speak”:  “Or forever hold your peace.”

 

When Jack is stumbling with his oar, not yet seen by the pirates in the cave:  “It’s an oar and a whore!”

 

When Jack is trying to remember “Parlay” help him out – talk along with him, make up your own words to the same sounds

 

When Jack says, “That would be the French”:  “Latin-based. Inventors of mayonnaise!”

 

When Barbossa says “Kill him” say instead “Shoot his ass!” Then when Barbossa says “Hold your fire!” say instead “Don’t shoot his ass!”

 

SEA BATTLE BETWEEN BLACK PEARL AND INTERCEPTOR

 

When Elizabeth laments, “What sort of man trades a man’s life for a ship?”:  “Donald Trump?”

 

When Will apologizes for his rough hands:  “She likes it rough!”

 

When Elizabeth takes Will’s hand to pull it toward her chest:  "Go for the gold . . . go for the gold . . .” and then “not what we meant!” when she actually shows him the medallion (courtesy of Rocky Horror Picture Show)

 

When Will slams the medallion on the table, just before he does, yell “SPIDER! Kill it!”

 

When Jack says to Barbossa, “I’m having a thought”:  “Inconceivable!” (Princess Bride)

 

When Elizabeth says “This is the fastest ship in the Caribbean!”:  “Princeton always beats Harvard!”

 

When Gibbs shouts, “Anything we can afford to lose”:  “Michael Eisner!”

 

When Gibbs shouts for stuff to be loaded into the cannons, “Anything you can find”:  “Politicians! Lawyers! Dick Cheney! Michael Moore!” (these are examples; yell your person of choice’s name)

 

When Elizabeth says “Lower the anchor on the right side” and then “Off the starboard side” and all the sailors look puzzled:  (in your best monotone Ben Stein voice) “Anyone? Anyone?”

 

Whenever any cannon goes off:  Yell “KA-BOOM!” as loud as you can

 

When Jack yells “Stop blowing holes in my ship!” yell it with him and replace “my” with “his”

 

When Elizabeth looks down into her cleavage for the medallion, the men in the audience (and whichever women are inclined) volunteer helpfully by calling “We’ll help you find them!”

 

When Jacks asks Elizabeth, “Ah, where is dear William?” and the audience can see how long her nails are even after fighting:  “And where is your manicurist?”

 

When Barbossa asks Will “Who are you?”:  “Ask any teenage girl!”

 

When Will names his terms for not shooting himself, after Barbossa says “Yes, we know that one. Anything else?” and while Will’s saying, “The crew are not to be harmed,” say instead:  “And … and I want $20 million for the sequel!”

 

When Barbossa asks for the dress back, as Elizabeth is throwing it at him:  “Fine! It made me look fat anyway!”

 

When Jack dives off the plank, hold up the placards again and call a score

 

DESERTED ISLAND

 

When Jack says “Unless you have a rudder and a lot of sails hidden in that bodice”:  “Dream on!”

 

When Elizabeth says, “How did you escape last time?” yell “How long did the party last, Jack?” and after he says “I was here a grand total of three days, all right?” yell “Why’d you leave?” before he starts explaining about the rum-runners.

 

When Elizabeth says “So you spent three days on an island drinking rum?”:  “HELL YES!”

 

Sing along with Jack and Elizabeth as they sing! Drink with them, too

 

When Elizabeth tells Jack she’s not yet had enough rum to allow that kind of talk from him, the women (and whatever men wish to join in) call out “I have! Pick me!”

 

As Jack is sleeping the next morning:  “Wake up, Jack! She’s burning your rum!”

 

When Jack asks, “But why’s the rum gone?” say it with him. BOTH times.

 

When Jack pulls his gun behind Elizabeth, yell “Shoot her! Shoot her! SHOOT HER!” (obscure “Secret Window” reference for those who’ve seen it)

 

ABOARD DAUNTLESS

 

When Jack says “If I may be so bold as to interject my professional opinion”:  “Uh-oh! Guard your pockets!”

 

When the Governor asks, “Elizabeth, are you accepting the Commodore’s proposal?”:   shout, “No!” Then, when she says, “I am” shout, “Son of a bitch!”

 

IN THE BRIG OF BLACK PEARL

 

When the scene opens with Pintel and Ragetti swabbing the deck, hum or sing briefly “Workin’ in a coal mine …”

 

When Pintel says, “I’m telling the story!”:  “Then finish it, dammit!”

 

ISLE DE MUERTE/ROWBOATS/BATTLE ABOARD DAUNTLESS

 

When the crowd of pirates are chanting, do the Arsenio Hall “dogg pound” yell of “woo woo woo woo …”

 

When Barbossa asks Jack, “Why don’t I want to be doing it?” of killing Will:  “Because he can’t die a virgin!”

 

When Will sees the coin disappear into Jack’s hand and understanding dawns on his expression:  “FINALLY!”

 

When Bo’sun stops Pintel and Ragetti with the parasol and grins at them:  “Play ‘Misty’ for me, boys.”

 

When Ragetti mentions “Just like what the Greeks done at Troy”:  stand up, shake your fist, and yell “Damn you, Wolfgang Petersen!”

 

When Gov. Swann is knocking at Elizabeth’s cabin door and asking, “Elizabeth, are you there?”:  “Nobody in here but us rats!”

 

When the first redcoat on the Dauntless gets his throat cut by a sneaking pirate:  “The redshirts always bite it first.”

 

When Pintel grabs Ragetti and says “I look nice?”:  “That’s it? NICE?”

 

When Jack cuts Barbossa’s hat feather and yells “HA-ha!” say it with him

 

When the monkey falls onto the cannon:  “Rack ‘em up!”

 

When Barbossa stabs Jack in the gut:  “THAT’S gonna leave a mark!”

 

Be sure to cheer Jack and Will on as they fight!

 

When the hand crawls across the cabin floor, before the Governor’s horrified eyes, hum and snap your fingers to the intro to “The Addams Family” old TV show theme song.

 

When Jack runs from Barbossa willy-nilly through the cave:  “Run Forrest, RUN!”

 

When Liz says, “Heave!”:  “HO!”

 

When Ragetti’s eye pops out after he’s hit in the back of the head:  “It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.”

 

When Elizabeth says, “Try wearing a corset!”:  add “Or heels!”

 

As Elizabeth and Will are stabbing the three pirates with the long pole:  “Bend it like Barbossa!”

 

When Jack tosses the coin to Will:  “Catch it, catch it! Don’t fumble it!”

 

When the gun goes off and the camera pans to Jack and his smoking gun:  “Well, whaddya know? One buwwet weft!” (thank you, Elmer Fudd!)

 

When the camera pans to Will holding the coins over the chest, as he lets go of them:  “I am Will Turner. You killed my father. Prepare to … faint dead away!”

 

When Barbossa starts to bleed:  "I'm melting …" in your best Wicked Witch of the West voice

 

When all the pirates suddenly stop fighting on deck of the Dauntless because they realize they’re human again, yell “RED LIGHT!”

 

PORT ROYAL FORT/HANGING

 

When Will says to Elizabeth, “I should’ve told you every day”:  “I’m a virgin.”

 

As Elizabeth falls back in her pretend faint:  “Take the Nestea plunge!”

 

As Will starts pushing the hangman into the crowd off the scaffold:  “MOSH PIT!”

 

When Will and Jack are about to trip the three redcoats with the rope:  “Ready to be clotheslined for King and Country, soldiers?” “AYE, sir!”

 

When Will says about Jack, “And a good man”:  “How good is he, Will?”

 

When Will answers Norrington, “It’s right here, between you and Jack”:  “Yeah!” suggestively, or go “Ewwww!” if that’s not your thing

 

When Elizabeth adds that her place is between Norrington and Jack:  "Three-some!"

 

When Jack says “Spiritually … ecumenically … grammatically”:  Substitute “drunkenly” for “grammatically”

 

When Jack pauses before escaping and says, “Will …”, just as he’s saying “Nice hat,” say,  “Nice ass” instead

 

After Gov. Swann makes his little speech about “piracy being the best course,” cough loudly and pointedly and say things like “Disney lawyers” and “Napster”

 

When Norrington says to Will “This is a beautiful sword”:  “Thank you. I polish a LOT.”

 

When Jack puts his hands all over the wheel of the Black Pearl:  (in your best Irish cop voice) “Move along, now! Nothing to see here! Nothing to see!”

 

When Jack pops his compass open to check it:  “Mirror, mirror, in my hand, who’s the fairest in the land?”

 

When Jack turns the wheel:  “Second star to the right, and straight on ‘til morning!”